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Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, by Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger
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Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse
Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.
Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.
Turn to this guide to help you:
- Predict what your spouse may do or say in court
- Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking
- Choose a lawyer who understands your case
- Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you
- Sales Rank: #6494 in Books
- Published on: 2011-07-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.00" w x .75" l, .92 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
Review
“Splitting provides concise, clear, and invaluable advice for strategically navigating a divorce from someone who has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. Following the suggestions laid out in this book will greatly increase the readers’ odds of having a successful marital dissolution under these difficult circumstances.”
—Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, founder and executive director of the Transition Institute of Marin and author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day
From the Publisher
Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a "persuasive blamer": someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
About the Author
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, has been a family lawyer for over eighteen years and a therapist for over twelve years. He is senior family mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, CA, and president of the High Conflict Institute based in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a faculty member at Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College and has provided seminars to judges, lawyers, counselors, and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in legal disputes.
Randi Kreger owns and maintains www.bpdcentral.com, one of the largest and most popular websites about borderline personality disorder (BPD). With nearly twenty thousand active members, her website’s online community Welcome to Oz offers online support to friends and family members of those with BPD. Kreger was instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization, and speaks at BPD workshops internationally. She is coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and author of The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. She lives in Milwaukee, WI.
Most helpful customer reviews
266 of 271 people found the following review helpful.
If three of the last five words in this title have meaning to you, get this book, it WILL save your life
By ef
Does your partner have periods of uncontrollable rage? Bizarre behaviors? A truly astonishing ability to twist words and reinterpret reality around you? Wild mood swings? Hair trigger temper? Have you been desperate enough that you spend your free time surreptitiously Google-ing psychological disorders to try to "poor mans diagnose" what you're dealing with?
Clearly you have. If you're reading this, you're probably doing research Right Now in the vain hope of getting an answer to the one question you've been asking yourself night and day for as long as you can remember: What Do I Do?
If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life.
On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and beg a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address. I'm not kidding. Read the title again.
104 of 113 people found the following review helpful.
Helps educate you to lower risks of arrest, abuse investigations from false allegations & help custody efforts
By MarkA
After having gone through the first years of post separation & divorce, I can definitely agree that PROTECTING YOURSELF is top priority when separating, especially if you have children. Educate yourself while quietly documenting the spouse's behaviors, quietly and confidentially seek the advice of a few family law attorneys who have experience with high conflict cases, carefully consider your options and prepare accordingly.
Decades ago the hot-button threats by disordered spouses were claiming you were a closet homosexual or having an affair. These days such allegations are ho-hum and ignored in most courts. What has replaced them? Claims of DV (against the spouse) and child neglect, abuse or molestation. Why? To unfairly gain advantage or keep the upper hand in the court's custody and parenting decisions. Those are extreme hot-button issues and agencies are just waiting for a call to jump into action, this is the one time where the allegation is presumed valid at first and the presumption of innocence is set aside at first. An innocent spouse or parent (you) can be arrested and charged with some very serious offenses.
If your spouse has threatened to make false allegations in the past, then that means it has been contemplated and therefore you are at heightened risk. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT AT RISK! William Eddy presents information that will help you to avoid many common presumptions, mistakes and pitfalls us Nice Guys and Nice Gals are likely to make when we first encounter the judicial (not justice) system. Sorry, but normal common sense does not apply in court and the truth does not always prevail. Courts, including family/domestic court, make decisions based on written laws, case law which has modified the application of written laws, and the latitude allowed for the case-by-case discretion by judges. That is why this book is so helpful, in addition to your family law attorney's legal advice.
To echo the excellent advice in another comment: If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life. On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and BEG a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address or appear on your credit card or bank statements. I'm not kidding. Read the title again. PROTECT YOURSELF.
94 of 101 people found the following review helpful.
Splitting - Aint talking about an equitable divorce
By Holly O.
Poor sucker:
I read this book too late to fully be effective. The best advice that you can take is; show absolutely NO mercy to these soul-sucking people. Sure, it is a behavioral disorder, but there is no excuse and a great deal of choice-making that goes into the decisions that are made during the divorce process. They will never own their own faults - ever.
Borderlines will immediately begin with a character assassination and side-setting of as many people as possible, and will split up all players in the game into black and white pieces. You are black, WILL have the second move and will remain behind as long as your bank account holds out because nothing is more important to the BPD than the process of proving to the world that you are wrong, bad and probably belong in prison away from all of the white players, including only those of your children that believe the stories. It might include a custody battle with accusations of child abuse, when in fact the real abuse are the lies and deceit that are wielded upon your impressionable and confused children. The narcissists are the worst because there is absolutely no self reflection in the process. If a borderline is not narcissist, then there is a possibility to change the game during one of the many "woe is me" moments.
Absolutely DO NOT GIVE UP and do not do anything stupid. Truth does not matter in court; it is only about going through the motions. Tell your attorney to go for the jugular and spare no expense on getting your kids. However, do not fight dirty directly. Do not talk bad about your BPD ex to your kids or ANY of your common friends. Only talk about truth, including his/her mental disorder. Kids have automatic BS detectors. If you tell the truth, you will win. Period.
Now, read this book. Own it. If you are smart enough to use this knowledge to your advantage, you will win. After 5 years of pure hell from BPD people in my life, I have finally recovered but it took everything including relationships, money, nearly all property and two jobs. BPD splitting is war and reading this book is the first step in a good battle plan.
Stan
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